Women and Wine

What is on my mind? Women and drink. Why write this now? I write because I am compelled on two levels, firstly I am seeing more and more women in my therapy room who disclose that they are regularly drinking a bottle of wine a night. Secondly, the lockdown of the UK means that all our routines and structures are in total disarray. If you don’t have to jump out of bed at the sound of the alarm, perhaps a few extra drinks during this time of crisis and stress won’t harm? I want to explore what your alcohol relationship blueprint is.

Let me explain, I grew up in the 70’s, I never saw my mum drink in the house, unless there was a party, back then it wasn’t artisan Gin it was Cinzano Rosso and cans of Tetley Beer.

I had blueprint for alcohol given to me during these years, booze was fun and consumed at parties. This shifted for me many years ago when I moved to a new house and became part of a group of working mums who drank at the weekend, alcohol became a regular go to for weekend fun and we all drank at home, the blueprint changed.

During this time, I lost two of my aunts both alcoholics. The first my mother’s sister died of pneumonia after years of heavy drinking, she was in her early 50’s. The second aunt, my dad’s sister died of oesophageal varices, caused by heavy drinking and which burst after a session of binge drinking, a truly horrific death where you bleed to death, she was also in her 50’s.

I began to question my relationship with alcohol at this point, and the answer I came back with was, ‘I am not one of the aunts, I am the boss of the bottle’.

I see so many people who are not the boss, and don’t even realise it. When I have a woman sitting in front of me weeping because she is depressed and anxious, taking the maximum anti-depressants and still desperately unhappy. And they disclose their drinking levels I am astonished that they often haven’t made the connection.

Why am I seeing this more often?
If you grew up in a household that didn’t drink, where did you blueprint come from? One of the most worrying things I am seeing is the societal shifts. I know alcohol use has always been a societal issue. However, I see it more and more in one place, and that is TV drama.

In every drama I watch there is nearly always a scene/s where a woman is drinking wine. Every drama without exception. It is the new norm, women drink wine. Often the scene is linked to the narrative that this female character isn’t coping in some way. These scenes reinforce the narrative that it is acceptable to drink at home and especially if you have had a bad day. The message now is ‘drink wine at home, when you are struggling, alone, in crisis, etc. The messages I am seeing in TV drama are powerful.

Much has been written about society and alcohol, the evils of drinking, the ways we can stop, dry January, online programmes to quit for a period, and the old stalwart that is AA.

The purpose of this article is not to explore that further but to ask you to consider your relationship with alcohol, and perhaps understand it at a deeper level.

Here are what I believe are helpful ways to reflect: ask yourself ‘who is the boss?’, ‘can you socialise without a drink?’ ‘What is your blueprint?’ ‘Have you noticed a shift in your drinking pattern?’

Another helpful reminder is that alcohol is a depressant, I know you know this… so reminding ourselves that the price we pay for drinking is the low mood, and anxiety we may feel the next day can be helpful. We are always in choice. I am going to say that again ‘we are always in choice’. Drinking a bottle of wine, a day, is the equivalent of drinking tomorrows misery.

Addiction is anything we use, which stops us being alone with ourselves.

I am now also experiencing two more shifts in my blueprint. Firstly, the menopause train rolled into town a few years ago and my symptoms include poor sleep. Alcohol is the perfect sleep disrupter, when I drink, I know I may have an even worse night’s sleep, it’s a factor that is creating this shift. Do I want wine or sleep? Sleep often wins.

The second shift feels much more profound, menopause is re-wiring my whole body, not just physically but also emotionally. I am finding more and more that I want to be fully present to myself. This brings an in the moment authenticity that feels truly liberating, and the thought of smothering that with an alcohol mask is becoming a seemingly bizarre choice. Why would I do that when it feels so good to simply be me in the moment?

To conclude, will I give up alcohol? Probably never, the joy of a crisp cold G&T on Friday evening to mark the end of the working week and the pairing of good wine with food are some of life’s greatest pleasures.

Why I like to drink? It’s fun, I like it, its socially acceptable. Why I take this subject seriously? Alcohol is insidious, it creeps in incrementally with shifts in your life, it takes over when you are not looking, it becomes the boss. I have 2 dead aunties, both taken in their 50’s. That is a sobering thought if ever there was one.

If this article has raised questions regarding your relationship with alcohol and you would like to understand this relationship at a deeper level and ultimately press the re-set button, then please do get in touch. My passion is to work with you when you are stuck and help you to move to a place of knowing you can do more, be more and have more from life.

Christina