To be seen, to be heard, to be loved….

Ten Questions to start the journey to increased intimacy:

1. It starts with you — how you are feeling about your body, your energy levels and your erotic capital — all play a huge part in how willing we are to say a big ‘hell yes’ when we are with our partner. So how are you feeling about ‘you?’ Is it time to invest in you so that you have something to put into the relationship bank?
2. Communication – talking helps! When was the last time you talked to your partner about your wants, needs and desires? It makes sense that over time we want different things. We used to love a certain TV show and now it seems old and dated. We liked eating steak but now it feels too heavy after a period of healthy eating. Everything about ourselves changes over time. We are an ever-evolving change being. It stands to reason that our sexual needs also change, but have you talked to your partner about this? How do you bring those thoughts and feelings to the surface? Where do you begin?
3. Re-connect with eye gazing — One of the reasons sitting across a dinner table is so good for us is that we are forced to face our partner. Remember those longing looks into each other’s eyes over dinner dates? We were fully engaged in the act of eye gazing. I teach this lovely practice in my workshops. Is it time to reconnect with some long eye gazes? When was the last time you booked dinner, that was not for a special occasion? It is not the restaurant or the food, it is the chance to sit across from your partner and remember who they are.
4. Erotic communication — we are stimulated in many ways, and lots of couples love to indulge in dirty talk. Allowing your secret desires to be heard in erotic communication can be extremely liberating. Ultimately this practice taps into our need to be heard. When was the last time your erotic self was given a voice? Does that part of you long to be heard?
5. Play games — literally just play. Anything from dress up to Scrabble. Whatever games we play with our partner we are saying, ‘lets invest in each other and let’s make it fun’. How do you like to play? When was the last time you had playtime?
6. Touch, cuddling, hand holding. Touch is the direct route to pleasure. Skin to skin contact brings us to a place of connection and pleasure. Are you still holding hands and touching each other, without the need to follow it up with sex? Build up the touch bank. Remember how it feels to be touched by your partner.
7. Lie down and face each other. When was the last time you had a conversation lying down, facing each other? We associate lying down with rest, relaxation, touch, connection and sex. Lie down to talk — without an agenda or the need to be right — just lie down and talk.
8. Emotional intimacy – Couples often ask, ‘how was your day?’ Could you replace that with ‘how do you feel today?’ When we share our feelings, we begin to open the possibility of being known at a deeper level. When we are known, we feel safe. When we feel safe, we can open to deeper connections.
9. Laughter, and more laughter. When was the last time you shared a good belly laugh? The feel-good element of laughter opens us up in a multitude of ways. It is no surprise that singles look for ‘good sense of humour’. We all love to laugh.
10. Orgasm is not the goal, pleasure is! When was the last time you gave yourself and your partner permission to be in the moment? Enjoying being fully present to the sensations of touch, connection and joy, without the need to pursue the ‘Big O’.

Are you ready to invest in increasing the intimacy in your relationship?
Why not sign up for my exclusive couples programme, "You, Me, Us"?