When I first viewed the house I was captivated by the courtyard at the rear, and the history of the house, however having viewed it several times online I was really keen to see the loft. I wasn't disappointed, from the moment I stepped into this beautiful space it was love. I walked around the room and stared at the views of the Lighthouse. I didn't want to leave, I knew I could put my stamp on this house. I love interior design and resorting properties has long been a passion of mine.
It is safe to say I bought the house for the loft!
I knew it would inspire me to write and relax, clients always comment on what a beautiful space it is for therapy.
We all have lofty ideas and ambitions throughout our life, I love to work with people on helping them find their highest and truest self.... from my loft come the lessons. I hope you find interesting ideas here to inspire you.
Christina....
Who am I?
Who am I?
We can all at times ask ourselves the question, ‘who am I?’ which is often followed by the question, ‘why am I here’. These questions come to us all at various points in our life and with varying degrees of intensity. Before the age of 12 I would play, a child with a curious mind and an active imagination. I would often have a strange sensation that manifested in the realisation that I had a body. I would say to my mum often, ‘mum don’t you think it is strange that we have a body?’ her answer was always the same, ‘no love go and play’. This strange sensation continued but gradually it faded. I believe I simply got used to ‘having a body’.
At the age of 12 my periods started, and my mother said, ‘you are a woman now’. My periods have almost stopped, so am I not a woman? Who am I without my monthly cycle, this ebb and flow that has dominated my life from the age of 12?
I have now reached the age of 54, and after a journey of self-discovery, which took me down many roads including, psychotherapy training, Tantra and ‘running away’ from my life I have reached some conclusions about who I am.
If you met me you might think you see a 54-year-old woman, who is a mother of 4 adult children, who has been married, had and continues to have lovers, a person with a name. This is what you will see, or who you think you will meet. It is not me.
So, you may be scratching your head and wondering ‘huh, I don’t get it’.
I now know with some certainty what and who I am not:
- I am not my name, this was a label given to me at birth
- I am not my body or my mind, they are the vehicles that carry the essence of what you or I might call ‘me’
- I am not mother
- I am not wife, partner, lover, they are choices based on the very essence of myself and how I want to connect in the world.
- I am not woman, I am a genderless essence of spirit energy
In order to understand this first think about your own name, did you come into this life and choose it yourself? Perhaps you love your name, or maybe you have considered changing your name or have changed your name. However, you feel about your name it was ultimately given to you. A label so that your family, who were all given their names, your friends and the rest of the world would be able to know you by. But it is not ‘you’.
I am not my body, ‘huh’ well think about it, your cells are constantly regenerating, the process is rapid in the early years as you grow from baby to toddler, to child and then adult, middle, old age and then death. It is not the same body that you arrived at life in. It has multiple versions within a lifetime. People often comment on seeing a the dead body of a close relative or loved one, ‘that is not XXX’. Why? Simply put we are not our bodies. Often in bereavement we look for our loved ones and ask where have they gone? Even when we have seen the body and attended the funeral. We are not our bodies.
Neither am I the roles that my life path has brought me to, mother, wife, lover. These are roles that have been part of my human experience. I didn’t question if I wanted to be a wife or a mother, this well-worn path seemed inevitable to me. It’s what ‘you’ did. With the questions of ‘who am I?’ and ‘why am I here?’ ringing loudly in our heads we often consider how we would have done it all differently. I wasn’t encouraged to be a writer, actor, politician. Often, we have a yearning to have lived life differently, at our core we long to express ourselves, it is a yearning.
Ultimately it can all be deemed irrelevant, that is if you can lose the attachment to ‘I’ and the sense that you are ‘somebody’.
If for a moment you can suspend the ‘I’ and the label that you are XXX living in a body then perhaps you can begin to see what you really are. Energy, spirit, love, endless love, not separate but connected, to everything and everyone, to the planet, the air, the stars and the universe. All is connected and all is one.
When I loosen my thoughts and let go of the ‘I’ there is a state of pure bliss. Attachment is pain, existence is pain, we have forgotten who we are and where we came from. Endless love, connected to everything in the universe.
Therefore, the only ‘I am’ that makes sense is this: I am every person that has ever lived or ever will live. I meditate on the ‘I am XXX’ I am love, I am pain, I am joy, I am peace, dropping the XXX I become ‘I am’ dropping the ‘am’, I become ‘I’ letting go of the ‘I’ can create a state of unity consciousness, the state of blissful connection to all that is and ever will be.
Who am I?
I am the universe.
